FRIDAY: Doctor, I'm having obstructions.

Senator Joe Lieberman (D-CT) announced earlier in the week that he would join Republicans in filibustering the Health Care Reform bill as it stands now. Senator Tom Harkin (D-IA) responded that Lieberman may want to think about his chairmanship on the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee before he does that. Today Lieberman responded by saying that he would stump for GOP candidates in 2010, to which Harry Reid (D-NV) retorted, "Not if he likes eating hot food in DC, he won't." A former Democratic VP candidate, Lieberman charged back by openly denouncing a woman's right to make decisions for herself in public or private, earning the ire of both Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA) who threatened to "straight cold cock" him in the Hart Senate Office Building elevator and Senator Mitch McConnell (R-KY) who objected to the federal government impeding on state's rights.

House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) held a press conference today in which he stood behind a stack of papers on a podium to make a point about health care reform. After indicating a number of signs of the apocalypse that were mandated by the bill he had not yet read, Boehner walked off the stage and directly into a vat of deep bronze paint.

And finally, in honor of Halloween please take a moment to celebrate the creepiest name in Washington - Obama economic advisor, AUSTAN GOOLSBEE.

THURSDAY: Pelosi shoots and the CBO scores!

Nancy Pelosi released the House Health Reform bill today and the Congressional budget office has asserted that it will reduce the deficit by $104 billion over ten years. In presenting the bill the Speaker expressed her hope that all Americans will some day have access to the same great care that has kept her facial skin from shrinking any faster, keeping her out of what doctors have dubbed, The Carville Zone.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell was on Dennis Miller's radio show, saying:

"Medicaid, the program for the poor now, states can opt-out of that, but none of them have. I think if you have any kind of government insurance program you're going to be stuck with it and it will lead us in the direction of the European style, you know, sort of British-style, single-payer, government run system. And those systems are known for delays, denial of care and you know, if your particular malady doesn't fit the government regulation you don't get the medication."

McConnell's statements are illuminated by the hallowed glow of our current health care system in which no one ever waits or is denied care or medication. Backing the southern gentleman Aetna has unveiled a new slogan: Aetna - So not fucking British.

The Minority Leader continued:

"And it may cost you your life. I mean, we don't want to go down that path."

And in closing added that the following may also cost you your life: gays, blacks, public transportation, unions, teachers, Obama family garden produce, not-oil, voting rights, windmills and New England.

Finally, following a trip to Dover in the middle of the night to see the transfer of soldiers' bodies from the Afghan War, President Obama slept in until 3pm, but still somehow managed to fit in three DNC fundraisers before dinner.