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August 8th - Sonia Sotomayor was sworn in as the first Hispanic Supreme Court justice, which came as a surprise to your uncle who had been saying bad things about Samuel Alito for years.
August 25th - Massachusetts senator, Ted Kennedy passed away after battling brain cancer. This came as a major disappointment to all of those who had picked skydiving, night shooting, and bear football in the popular, "How's That Kennedy Gonna Go?" pool.
September 26th - Oscar-winning director Roman Polanski was arrested on on charges for having illegal intercourse with a 13-year-old girl in 1977. Polanski's attorney's intend to argue that clearly the girl is now 35.
October 9th - President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize, the acceptance speech for which immediately won him the Novel Prize in Literature.
November 5th - A gunman killed 13 during a shooting spree at a military base in Fort Hood, Texas. The White House, behind closed doors, lamented having to clean up after more disasters from the Lone Star State.
November 27th - Tiger Woods was injured in a car crash, which led to his admittance of numerous "transgressions" and late-night television's greatest influx of double entendres of all-time, featuring the words ball, hole, drive, wood, club and Cheetah.
December 1st - President Obama decided to send 30,000 more troops to fight the war in Afghanistan, a sobering fact that led roughly 30,000 more people to have a less than sober holiday season.
December 25th - A Nigerian student, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, failed in his attempt to blow up a Northwest Airlines flight to Detroit. While Al Qaeda has claimed responsibility for the attempt, Nike has attempted to defer any blame, claiming that they cannot be held responsible for their shoes' "explosive potential."
Have a happy, safe and timely New Year's.
TUESDAY: Up errly.
1 month ago