The Labor Department is reporting that the unemployment rate has fallen to 9.7% from 10% in December. This should come as great news to the millions of Americans out there who now can now feel 0.3% less unemployed.
The British government has unveiled prototypes for a shatterproof pint glass, which is exciting for all of the pub patrons who insist on hanging on to their beverage while they pass out onto the floor. The government expects that the invention will save upwards of $4.3 billion a year in costs to the National Health System, which deals with roughly 87,000 glass attacks per year. The design of the glass was sought out when British officials shot down another proposed solution, to close the bars at breakfast.
The first Tea Party Convention has opened, with former congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) claiming that, "people who could not even spell the word 'vote', or say it in English, put a committed socialist ideologue in the White House. His name is Barack Hussein Obama." This is of course in great contrast to the demographic groups responsible for putting George W. Bush into office, including "math nerds" and "Proust enthusiasts."
If tomorrow was Monday then we'd see you then.
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TUESDAY: Happy Valentine's Day.
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