MONDAY: Thanks, but no blanks.

President Obama released his own version of health care reform legislation this morning, which will be discussed at a summit with members of Congress on Thursday. The proposal seeks to limit rate hikes by insurance companies and dramatically increase unsubstantiated Republican talking points. Chief among them is the idea that Obama should be coming to the table at the summit with a "clean sheet of paper," working to negotiate a new bill together. This is in line with the Republican strategy over the last year of keeping all paper blank at all times.

Harry Reid (D-NV) will try to pass a motion to proceed on a jobs bill in the Senate today, looking to ultimately pass the first piece of significant legislation since Democrats lost their 60-seat super-majority. The Senate Majority Leader was reportedly optimistic this morning, as four staffers helped him bathe and dress himself.

The US hockey team defeated Canada yesterday 5-3, finally putting our cocky, brash and obnoxious neighbor to the north in its place.

And finally, Tiger Woods gave a press conference on Friday to apologize for his actions, during which, we can report, he did not fuck anyone.