WEDNESDAY: The fat of the land.

Michele Obama hit the airwaves on Wednesday claiming that she wants to “change the health status of an entire generation” in her campaign to raise awareness of childhood obesity. Many parent groups are responding that their children are already painfully aware that they are obese, and are looking forward to the First Lady's campaign to fix it for them.

President Obama is receiving some flack from Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nevada politicians after referring to Las Vegas as a place where people go to blow money, when they could be saving it for their kids' college funds. Reid is arguing that Las Vegas is in fact a place where people go to blow money when they have nothing left to lose. Obama has issued a letter of apology, fearful that Cirque Du Soleil might misinterpret his comments and cancel plans for their new spectacle, "B'rack: A High Wire Routine in Four Acts."

Alexander "Alexi" Giannoulias won the Democratic primary in the Senate race to fill Roland Burris's seat. Giannoulias scored the victory after receiving roughly ten votes for every letter in his name.