TUESDAY: Snagging a hit.

BP is reporting that they may not be able to stop the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico until August, but they have been able to increase the amount of oil they are capturing. This is good news for all of the Louisiana fisherman who were losing sleep over whether or not BP would be able to turn any profit off of the massive leak. President Obama, in a fit of populist rage over the incident, told NBC News that he wants to know "whose ass to kick." He followed up his comments by launching an exploratory committee, to research the effects of ass-kicking, which should release its findings sometime next year.

An administrator at a New Jersey high school says that Mohamed Mahmood Alessa, one of two men arrested at JFK airport trying to fly to Somalia for terrorist training, was considered so dangerous as a student that he was taught outside of the classroom with a security guard present. The school felt he was a danger to the other students, who were trying to learn inside the classroom with security guards present.

Steve Jobs showed off Apple's new iPhone 4 yesterday, setting the tech world ablaze as critics analyzed the changes from previous models. iPhone 4 is far thinner and lighter, part of the designers' attempt to make the phone as much like Jobs himself as possible.