WEDNESDAY: Engulfed.

Hurricane Alex is moving westward on a collision course with southern Texas, the first June hurricane in the Atlantic since 1995. It's all part of Mother Nature's ongoing, "Fuck The Gulf" campaign, which she has been running vigorously since August, 2005. Future plans include, snapping off Florida and sending it over to Africa, a sea monster attack on Alabama and Georgia, and a Rolling Stones-inspired tsunami that will rage through the BP oil spill clean up effort and consequently paint the entire country black. Conservative Christian pundits do see some positive trending in recent events, though, as Hurricane Alex is expected to predominantly make landfall in Mexico.

House Democrats are making a push this week to collect dues from members for the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, in advance of what is expected to be a difficult fall election period. Additionally, Barney Frank (D-NY) will be holding a bake sale to raise funds, Steny Hoyer (D-MD) will be hosting a car wash in Northern Virgina and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) plans to jump members as they head home after work and rough them up something awful if they don't cough up what they owe.

The late night king of queries, Larry King, has decided to step down as the host of his own show after 25 years. King is hoping to move away from the desk, where he can continue to grow and so that his shoulders can finally descend.

BREAKING NEWS: Girl with large breasts suddenly very important to Internet news outlets.