MONDAY: Capping trade.

BP reports that underwater robots are busy trying to put a new containment cap over the busted well that has been spewing oil into the Gulf for over two months. The attempt is part of BPs effort to make sure that underwater robots stay employed during this difficult time. Gulf residents and politicians are reserving judgment about the procedure, until they find a way to cope with its inevitable failure.

According to a report filed with the Federal Elections Commission, in the second quarter Sarah Palin's political action group spent $87,000 on campaign donations, $210,000 on consulting and $537,000 on staying relevant. Millions of supporters still hope that the former Alaskan governor will consider a 2012 presidential run, especially after Russian spies were recently able to infiltrate the country while she wasn't looking.

Spain has won its first ever World Cup soccer championship, defeating the Netherlands 1-0. 300,000 people flooded the streets of Madrid to celebrate, in what was the greatest Spanish turn-out since the Jews were exiled in 1492.