MONDAY: Hazard pay.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced $500 million in aid to Pakistan for projects, to show the country that America has a vested interest in them. Unemployed Americans are encouraged to consider relocating.

Sarah Palin used her Twitter account to call on Muslims to "refudiate" plans for a mosque at Ground Zero. While Palin has been unforgiving about this particular issue, she has also shown great empathy for the millions of people in this country who don't speak English.

President Obama will use a Rose Garden speech this morning to chastise Republicans for obstructing an extension of unemployment benefits. GOP officials could not be reached for comment but are expected to release a statement from their lair once their mimeograph is operational.