Kellogg Co. has issued a recall of over 28 million boxes of cereal after higher-than-normal amounts of certain chemicals in the liners caused an unusual smell and flavor. They first noticed the issue when Toucan Sam had to leave a photo shoot due to violent dry heaving. He is reported to be fine and plans to return to work next week, promoting the new Florida strip club he co-owns with Dig'Em Frog, "Sugar Treats."
On his television show Wednesday night, Fox personality Glenn Beck faked tears to mock Nancy Pelosi's emotional response to discussing frightening Tea Party rhetoric. But what Beck didn't know is that Pelosi was actually mocking Beck, thus unleashing the Emotional Manipulation Mobius Strip Effect, which will likely end with both of them in quivering puddles of feigned pathos.
Apple has announced a press conference to be held on Friday, which many are speculating will be to address technical concerns with their iPhone 4. Insiders report, though, that instead of recalling the flawed device they will simply unveil the brand new iPhone 5, which will have all of the same features as the iPhone 4 plus an amazing rubber bumper that surrounds and covers the previously problematic metal antenna. Trade-ins of the iPhone 4 will not be accepted, but anyone with the old phone can turn it in at the time of purchase and receive three free iTunes store song downloads.
Argentina legalized gay marriage on Thursday, providing a nice distraction from all of the street crime.
TUESDAY: Happy Valentine's Day.
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