FRIDAY: Stance, stance revolution.

President Obama wants the authority to consolidate government agencies to reduce the size of the government, he announced today. The move should put him in solid position to secure the Republican nomination by February.

Conservative voters in South Carolina have a tough call to make, deciding between Newt Gingrich, Rick Perry and Rick Santorum. God will actually be supporting Ron Paul, but only because He has been stockpiling gold for the last few millenia.

God would get behind Mitt Romney, were it not for the fact that while at Bain, Romney tried to acquire Heaven and merge it with Hell.

Enjoy the weekend, but please just take one.

Follow along at Twitter.com/SethWeitberg.