WEDNESDAY: Old Hampshire.

Mitt Romney finished in first place in the New Hampshire GOP primary last night, despite some recent blunders on the campaign trail. With his lead, though, Romney can afford a few gaffes, especially considering there's not much he can't afford.

Ron Paul came in second, or as it is known in political circles, a "Ron Paul First," and Rick Perry got less than 1% of the vote, officially making him part of the 99%.

Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum both got less than 10% of the vote in New Hampshire, which is still pretty darn good for a couple of assholes.